she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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