he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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