one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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