My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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