i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
