I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
