I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
honey bunches of taint.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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