i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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