They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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