Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
