I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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