NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
