sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
