So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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