i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
