She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
