So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
