a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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