only if we run a train.
done.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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