2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
