it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm both gender and math confused
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
