It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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