i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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