I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
