I smell stomach acid.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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