Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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