Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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