Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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