I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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