all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
