the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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