I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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