To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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