Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think my moral compass just broke
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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