I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
