Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
