I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
