I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
