Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
