I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
