Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
