3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
