i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
