So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
