First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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