so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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