i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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