Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
