If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
