The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
