I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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