Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
