are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
