What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
